During one of the darkest periods of my life, I was so down that -- no matter how I struggled to -- I could not remember what happiness was nor whether I'd ever felt it. But I had one thing going for me: I had work to drive me and to make me forget myself for many, many hours each day. Now I'm headed for a dark place again; this time, though, I have nothing to make me forget. Work doesn't drive me as it once did. If I have any goals, they're things I can accomplish from home; unfortunately, home is no place to be when you want to escape from yourself.
I'm trying not to fall into that cycle, but I feel history stalking me. I hear it whispering that it's time for a repeat. I try to stay one step ahead of the shadows, but only because it seems like I should. I've got no reasons to. No cares.
I feel like letting go; I feel like embracing the darkness. History may not be a welcome visitor, but at least it's a familiar one.
9 comments:
I understand this feeling. I hope that you feel better soon. Good wishes to you.
I would that I could help you be relieved of this feeling. I am only able to speak to you encouragement. You are my friend and I wish only best things for you.
I understand. I hope and pray you will beat it back, soon. It only wants to make you miserable. Don't let it win. Like Mei Lian, I wish the best things for you, and this is not it.
I recently read there are some people that are particularly sensitive to March and September. It's evidently the fast light change that makes them feel disconnected and depressed. I know I am not my usual self at these times, and I hate the fast light changes with a passion. Maybe there is something to this? Be at peace, my friend.
I hope this cloud gets lifted soon. I think I too have been at that place, and know the feeling of standing halfway in the shadow waiting to be swallowed. Don't stop writing. Will be thinking of you.
sometimes it's difficult to even breathe..
it takes a while for me to realize that meds
don't mean I failed, again..
A very wise fool told me years ago-
Stay hungry. Stay foolish....
We'll make it.
Thanks, all of you, for your kind words. It means a lot that you're out there, and offering what support you can. I hope I can be there for you in return.
Anyway, maybe it is the season.
I'm so sad to know that you were so down. I wish I was there for you then. I'm a bit late now, but I want you to know that I'll be there whenever you're down. When I'm in such a darkness, I'll try to remember that tomorrow is a new day. It gets brighter if you want it.
A, thanks for the kind thoughts. Sometimes it's hard to see ahead, but a new day always seems full of potential.
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